Voodoo Five: FanPosts

Oh, you want offseason? I'll give you offseason...

2013-05-09T07:02:25Z

HOWDY! Are you looking for quality college sports content?!? Well tough Cheese Nips, this is the off-season.

/LeonidasKick.gif

WAIT:

I love the internet

I can hear you. Yeah, YOU, nerd. "You football elitist, it's softball & baseball season after all!" SHUT UP THOSE DON'T COU...wait, we're doing alright in those sports? Huh. Still, quiet down. I'll turn this article around. I'm not going to tell you again.

So, here we are. One hundred & change days away from FOOTBAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. A season already riddled with transfers, coaching shake-ups & wait, what the Hell is the name of our conference? Conference USA Today? American Gladiator Conference? Even joke references to the conference are obsolete.

Crap, we're not in CONCACAF now, are we? Our travel budget is boned.

This sort of off-season is becoming a normality for our (ever shriveling) fanbase. However, as much as we've come to expect disappointing seasons, we have also become accustomed to periodic glimmers of hope & promise. Examples?

EXAMPLES!

We beat Auburn! YAY!

We're number 2 in the country! YAY!

We beat FSU! YAY!

We got Skip Holtz! YAY!

We beat Notre Dame! Yay!

That looks like a pair of normal seasons most programs.

That was 6 of our seasons. Six. Seis. Whole lot of sadz in there.

(This is where the Fire Doug Woolard stuff normally goes)*

I am legitimately excited for Coach Willie Taggart's first season "driving the bus" that is the USF football program. I've heard nothing but positive things about the man, except after practice. Nobody says good things about their Coach after practice. I've met the man personally**; He is charismatic without being the sleazy salesman normally associated with being a good college recruiter. Also: Much taller than he looks.

I'm on the bus.

-SG

*#FireDougWoolard

**I was with Coach Taggart, President Genshaft & Florida state senators in a capitol building conference room. The only time Coach wasn't paying complete attention was when he was considering recruiting while we were in Tallahassee. If you're wondering, that is when I got on the bus.

HOWDY! Are you looking for quality college sports content?!? Well tough Cheese Nips, this is the off-season.

/LeonidasKick.gif

WAIT:

via 24.media.tumblr.com

I love the internet

Crap, we're not in CONCACAF now, are we? Our travel budget is boned.

EXAMPLES!

We beat Auburn! YAY!

We're number 2 in the country! YAY!

We beat FSU! YAY!

We got Skip Holtz! YAY!

We beat Notre Dame! Yay!

That looks like a pair of normal seasons most programs.

That was 6 of our seasons. Six. Seis. Whole lot of sadz in there.

(This is where the Fire Doug Woolard stuff normally goes)*

I'm on the bus.

-SG

*#FireDougWoolard

Big XII City Power Rankings

2013-03-25T03:11:20Z

As you probably know, I live in Texas. Now that Lubbock is off the list, I've been to half of the 10 cities in the Big XII to watch USF play, and I've visited two more. So I feel pretty comfortable issuing these power rankings. I put these out on Twitter late Saturday night, but let's expand on that.

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1. Austin (Texas) -- not even a contest. The distance between Austin and every other city on the list is staggering. Even with the horrible traffic, no one can touch this place, what with Chuy's and the Alamo Draft House and 6th Street and about a million other things.

2. Norman (Oklahoma) -- Solely on its own merits, Norman is an OK place, though it wouldn't be #2 on the list. But it's close to Oklahoma City, which is actually neat. Also it has casinos with table games, which puts it way ahead in my book. Even with Oklahoma's jacked-up blackjack rules.

3. Fort Worth (TCU) -- plenty of things to do and close to Dallas. Loses points because of traffic. Also loses points because the people aren't as nice as they are other places. Also loses points because I've lived here too long.

4. Lawrence (Kansas) -- it's like this little island of coolness in a giant sea of backwardness. Allen Fieldhouse is amazing. And Kansas City is 40 minutes away, which helps because they have BBQ and casinos.

5. Stillwater (Oklahoma State) -- it's a small place but surprisingly neat. Important note: the best-known bar in town will not make you feel like Wooderson if you're over 30 and you go in it. (See also: #9)

6. ???

7. ???

8. ???

9. Lubbock (Texas Tech) -- I was there for 24 hours and I already feel like I saw the whole city. Every bar I saw is apparently either for college students (Cricket's is the MacDinton's of Lubbock, and that's not a compliment) or bikers. There was a huge dust storm and then it got freezing cold. I don't know what anyone does for fun if it doesn't involve Texas Tech. Collin and I talked about how much salary it would take for us to live there for a year. He said $200,000. I said it didn't matter because my wife would kill me six months in. When I got home, I told her this and she said she would divorce me instead of moving to Lubbock.

10. Waco (Baylor) -- no comment.

NR: Ames (Iowa State), Manhattan (Kansas State), Morgantown (West Virginia). I've heard plenty about all three towns, but I haven't actually been to any of them. Still, I'd be surprised if any of these come in ahead of Stillwater, or behind Waco and Lubbock.

-------------

6. ???

7. ???

8. ???

10. Waco (Baylor) -- no comment.

Holes in the Staff

2013-01-08T15:23:10Z

After just hearing a high School coach turned down a position on our staff this morning I began to wonder if the remaining spots available on our staff are going to cause us some trouble? Although there is no way for me to know if we ever offered Randy Shannon the DC position or not, it can't be a good sign that he accepted a LB's coach position with Arkansas for what seems like less money than we could have offered to him to be our DC. Add to that the fact that Plant HS' HC changed his mind about joining our staff over a day and I am beginning to worry a little. Any one have any thoughts or info?

The Ballad of Stanley Heath III: An Epic Glance at USF Basketball

2012-04-06T21:59:29Z

(I mean, this... this... wow. Enjoy. - Jamie)

On February 12th of this year, at 8:46 Eastern Standard Time, the Bulls had just notched their second win over Providence after Shaun Noriega stepped off the bench and essentially saved the season. Amidst intense discussion about the team's prospects of making the NCAA Tournament, I posted the following:

"If we get into the NIT we should still consider this an amazing season. The NCAAs would be a miracle. I would compose an epic about this team if they somehow managed to pull it off."

I forgot about this promise as I got swept up in the tournament hysteria, but as a man of my word (unlike my namesake), I have indeed composed a three-part epic in dactylic heptameter detailing the trials and tribulations of the USF Bulls basketball team. It goes as follows:

(I mean, this... this... wow. Enjoy. - Jamie)

"If we get into the NIT we should still consider this an amazing season. The NCAAs would be a miracle. I would compose an epic about this team if they somehow managed to pull it off."

Part I: 2009: The Curse

Sing, O Sun Dolls, the anger of Dominique O'Neal Jones

Who upon vanquishing the Hoyas of D.C. bellowed

"Y'all come watch Dominique Jones play!" and ‘pon his chest struck thrice.

"I'm no man of revenge," said he, "but this, it feels quite nice."

But DoJo had a fatal flaw, one which the Bulls knew not:

"There's no one on this team but I who makes a goddamn shot!"

And so Dominique struggled, lonely, till one fateful night

A witch of name Saint Jonathan informed him of his plight

"You are cursed, O Dominique, you and your Bulls as well.

No matter what you do, the tournament you shall not smell.

Howard may pass, Mercer may drive, Gilchrist may miss a shot

But this I swear on Famous' headband--the NCAAs you will know not."

DoJo was struck with anguish--"Why, O witch, is this so?

We've struck down Hoya, Panther, Bearcat, and U San Diego."

The witch laughed, a wicked evil laugh: "Do not question your fate!

For on this night you shall lose at home, seventy-four to fifty-eight!

You see, a man more wicked than I, a certain Greenburg, Seth

Has set a pox upon this program, one of certain death.

He dipped his child in a river, held by one ankle

Chanting, ‘No one in South Florida dreams of becoming a Bull!'"

The witch's prophecy came true; the Bulls would lose that night

Jones and crew approached the NIT without much fight.

An evil wolfpack blocked their path into the second round

And after Fitzy's gaffe on defense, the Bulls heard but one sound:

The tears of Dominique the Brave, the last sound of their year

And as his mighty head rose, he bellowed "I should have kept it but I ain't tripping...it's time to make money now.'‘

Part II: 2010: The Hero

A year had passed; the Bulls' spirits were undoubtedly low

The tell-all meter had swung from "No" to "DoJo Go Pro."

But once their former hero left, a miracle occurred

In came the valiant, brave and bald-- Stanley Heath the Third.

Heath had been the coach awhile, three years removed from first

But not 'til now had he heard tale of South Florida's curse.

"Damn that Greenburg!" he snarled as USF would lose again

"Jesus Christ, Crater!" spat Jamie, Gary, Collin, and Ken.

"I must think of a cure!" said Heath, as Gilchrist missed a three

(Why he ever tried the shot remains a mystery).

"First UCF, now FAU, we'd get killed by the Canes--

FAMU's marching band could shoot better than Shedrick Haynes!"

As the losses piled up, Stan wiped his shiny brow

"I must break Greenburg's horrid curse, but damned if I know how."

The year went on, the Bulls were prey to all not named DePaul

(and Prov'dence, once, when Marshon Brooks forgot how to shoot a ball).

Ron blocked, Jawanza dunked, but the ball ne'er would find the net

(Obligatory mention of the shitshow with Marquette).

But when the conference season finally did reach its end

Our hero, Stanley Heath the Third, called upon an old friend.

"Saint Jonathan, I beg of you-- help me the curse to fix.

I'll even let you beat us seventy-two to fifty-six."

Saint Jonathan looked down on Heath, with glimmering wicked eye

He said "Aye Coach, I'll grant your wish, but one of you must die.

The only way to make the tournament, to break the ice

Is to offer one man on your team as a human sacrifice."

Coach Heath was sick with shock-- how could he become such a traitor?

But then our Stan did sit and think, and said-- "Anthony Crater."

While the Bulls went and did vanquish the 'Cats from the Main Line,

The witch merely sat and chuckled "O Crater, you are mine."

The guard was hurt v. Cincy, the witch chuckled "Those fools!"

"They shan't know the true meaning of 'violation of team rules!'"

Part III: 2011: The Triumph

Our hero Stan now believed in the curse he'd stuck a fork

While poor Crater dwells in the purgatories of New York.

The team remade, defensive play became the newest fad

The Bulls guarded like they'd torn someone's heart out (which they had).

While the early part of the season became, well, a bitch

The team regrouped in conference play-- they even beat the witch!

AC led the show; Victor's dunks boosted morale

Hugh changed his major to dentistry and gave root canals.

Collins' layup beat Rutgers, Fitzy took down Seton Hall

Ron yelled, rebounded, and fist pumped-- the Bulls were playing ball!

Slip-ups? There were many, namely the Hoyas and Marquette

Jawanza's layup won't ever be easy to forget.

But the team fought hard every game, the baskets were a-plenty

The wins suddenly piled up-- sixteen, eighteen, twenty!

They snuck into the tourney, from the curse finally freed

(No word on how the news was handled by our friend Gottlieb)

USF tamed the Golden Bears, a comeback drowned the Owls

Tampa Bay was getting frenzied, alive with hoots and howls

It wasn't about the tournament-- though the team did overachieve

The Bulls, frankly, had given their fans a reason to believe.

After years and years and years of tearing their hearts out

South Florida suddenly became a team to cheer about.

The year is done, O reader, but the lesson still remains

The Bulls persevered through a season full of growing pains.

So remember, any tough times, in athletics or real life

Can be trumped by hard work-- and a human sacrifice.

Another Year, Another Final Four Team Who Lost To USF

2012-03-25T02:21:12Z

For the second straight year, and only the third time ever, the Final Four will include a team that lost to USF during the regular season. That team is Louisville, who beat Florida in the West Regional final in Phoenix, but lost to USF on February 29.

Last year's First-Four-to-Final-Four Virginia Commonwealth team lost an overtime game to a USF team that would end up 10-23.

The other Final Four team with a loss to USF on its dossier? Wisconsin in 2000.

Last year's First-Four-to-Final-Four Virginia Commonwealth team lost an overtime game to a USF team that would end up 10-23.

The other Final Four team with a loss to USF on its dossier? Wisconsin in 2000.

USF Basketball Mixology: Game 36, Ohio

2012-03-18T18:00:02Z

(NOTE FROM JAMIE: Today's guest Mixologist is Timothy Burke, also known as @bubbaprog. Tim is an editor for Deadspin and runs the invaluable Mocksession and GIFulmination Web sites, which keep us all fully stocked with animated sports GIFs, screen shots, and videos. He is an alumnus of both Ohio University and USF.)

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(DISCLAIMER: Enjoy responsibly. 21 means 21. Don't drink and drive.)

The CI is just one of 20-some bars along the three blocks of Court Street in uptown Athens, Oh., a brick-paved boulevard known as much for being home to impromptu protest gatherings as it is for fueling activities that have earned Ohio the title of America's Biggest Party School. The CI was also "my" bar during my tenure as an undergrad (thanks to knowing the guy at the door checking IDs) and a place I'd like to have been for Ohio's win over Akron in the MAC Tournament or, especially, Friday night's upset NCAA Tournament win over Michigan.

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(DISCLAIMER: Enjoy responsibly. 21 means 21. Don't drink and drive.)

The CI's merits are simple: there's no icky dance floor, just a narrow corridor with a basement bar downstairs and some pool tables. No dance music on the jukebox, either, and Labatt on tap poured cheaply and liberally into plastic "Get High At The CI" take-home cups. Inclusive, but not weird; diverse, but all patrons sharing something in common. It's like if you took the bar side of L.A. Hangout circa 2006 and put The Hub (also circa 2006) in the basement.

The CI does have its issues, however, mostly insofar as its popularity and under-staffing means getting drunk on a Wednesday or weekend evening requires some pre-gaming--especially when you consider the very social nature of the place means you spend more time talking than drinking. So today's Mixology comes from the bar across Court Street from The CI: the late Junction (R.I.P.), whose Junction Punch gave any night a kick-start and allowed Bobcats like me to obey the time-tested rule of liquor before beer. The recipe is a long-held secret, but I've talked to some former bartenders there and this is an approximation.

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JUNCTION PUNCH

Get a large glass, preferably plastic because if you drink more than one Junction Punch you will inevitably drop the glass at some point. Into the glass pour:

- 1 oz light rum
- 1 oz vodka
- 1 oz gin
- 1 oz wildberry schnapps (The Junction used DeKuyper Mixed Berry Medley)
- Splash of sour mix
- Splash of grenadine
- Splash of 7up (the Junction pros insist that you must use Sprite, but I prefer 7up)

Stir gently. Do not shake! Drink as quickly as possible, because you never know when Ohio liquor control agents may raid your establishment.

My Completely Arbitrary NCAA Tournament Bracket

2012-03-15T15:17:33Z

I hope to make this an annual thing, but for now here is my first-ever Completely Arbitrary NCAA Tournament Bracket. All winners were chosen based on which school I liked better, for reasons that are extremely personal and often stupid. Obviously USF is going to win the whole thing since they're in the field. But let's take a look anyway.

Click to enlarge.

Highlights of the bracket:

Since it's completely arbitrary and I moved from Florida to Texas after college, it shouldn't surprise you that there are four Big East teams and four Big XII teams in the Elite Eight.
Any school with funny things had an edge in this tournament. Georgetown made the Elite Eight based almost completely on Casual Hoya. Texas did the same because of Rick Barnes and Thujone. And so did Iowa State because of Wide Right & Natty Light and Paul "I AM SO PROUD TO BE YOUR FOOTBALL COACH" Rhoads.
On the flip side, Duke was out immediately for obvious reasons. And North Carolina got knocked out by 16-seed Vermont for the same reason, and also Ben & Jerry's and Martin St. Louis. Sorry guys, ice cream and ice hockey trumped Jordan and epic douchery.
Teams that could have made a run if they were in the tournament, in no particular order and with no explanations offered: Rice, Florida Atlantic, Oklahoma State, Virginia Tech, UT-Arlington, Iowa, Oregon.
Kentucky only survived Western Kentucky because of Rich Brooks and some lingering bitterness about Willie Taggart.
The hardest matchup to decide in the first round was Iowa State vs. UConn. WRNL vs. The UConn Blog was a standoff, but Paul Rhoads was more fun than Jim Calhoun was crotchety, so I took the Cyclones. Also STEELE JANTZ. Tough draw for UConn. They would have done well if they were somewhere else in the field.
Another hard matchup was Vanderbilt vs. Harvard. I thought about DQ'ing them both on principle, but Memorial Gym is awesome, so Vanderbilt advanced.
Kansas State vs. Southern Miss was a complete mismatch. K-State has an almost endless pile of funny things (RonP, EcoKat, the FieldTurf Webcam, Team Catlab's Tumblr and Twitter, their horrible gray basketball uniforms), plus we can thank them for their kind donations of Jim Leavitt, Ryan Schmidt, and Ron Anderson Jr. to our school. (Maybe Chris Cosh too, but I doubt it.) And we all just flat-out hate Southern Miss. In fact, Duke would have had a chance against them.

Eventually we got down to the Final Four, which was:

Baylor, because of Scott Drew, Robert Griffin III, the Alamo Bowl, their game against TCU, their game against Oklahoma, building a whole new football stadium when they already have their own football stadium... just fun all the way around.
Marquette, because of Anonymous Eagle and their totally irrational support of the Sun Dolls, and because of this:

Kansas State, because see above.
USF, because duh.

Of course USF romped in the Final Four, and Marquette, ahem, danced all over Baylor to get to the championship game. But they couldn't close the deal. Sorry, Marquette -- this time we were the dog and you were the tree.

(By the way - Mike Deane was last seen going 5-26 at Wagner in 2009-10. Eat it.)

Click to enlarge.

Highlights of the bracket:

Since it's completely arbitrary and I moved from Florida to Texas after college, it shouldn't surprise you that there are four Big East teams and four Big XII teams in the Elite Eight.
Any school with funny things had an edge in this tournament. Georgetown made the Elite Eight based almost completely on Casual Hoya. Texas did the same because of Rick Barnes and Thujone. And so did Iowa State because of Wide Right & Natty Light and Paul "I AM SO PROUD TO BE YOUR FOOTBALL COACH" Rhoads.
On the flip side, Duke was out immediately for obvious reasons. And North Carolina got knocked out by 16-seed Vermont for the same reason, and also Ben & Jerry's and Martin St. Louis. Sorry guys, ice cream and ice hockey trumped Jordan and epic douchery.
Teams that could have made a run if they were in the tournament, in no particular order and with no explanations offered: Rice, Florida Atlantic, Oklahoma State, Virginia Tech, UT-Arlington, Iowa, Oregon.
Kentucky only survived Western Kentucky because of Rich Brooks and some lingering bitterness about Willie Taggart.
The hardest matchup to decide in the first round was Iowa State vs. UConn. WRNL vs. The UConn Blog was a standoff, but Paul Rhoads was more fun than Jim Calhoun was crotchety, so I took the Cyclones. Also STEELE JANTZ. Tough draw for UConn. They would have done well if they were somewhere else in the field.
Another hard matchup was Vanderbilt vs. Harvard. I thought about DQ'ing them both on principle, but Memorial Gym is awesome, so Vanderbilt advanced.
Kansas State vs. Southern Miss was a complete mismatch. K-State has an almost endless pile of funny things (RonP, EcoKat, the FieldTurf Webcam, Team Catlab's Tumblr and Twitter, their horrible gray basketball uniforms), plus we can thank them for their kind donations of Jim Leavitt, Ryan Schmidt, and Ron Anderson Jr. to our school. (Maybe Chris Cosh too, but I doubt it.) And we all just flat-out hate Southern Miss. In fact, Duke would have had a chance against them.

Eventually we got down to the Final Four, which was:

Baylor, because of Scott Drew, Robert Griffin III, the Alamo Bowl, their game against TCU, their game against Oklahoma, building a whole new football stadium when they already have their own football stadium... just fun all the way around.
Marquette, because of Anonymous Eagle and their totally irrational support of the Sun Dolls, and because of this:

Kansas State, because see above.
USF, because duh.

(By the way - Mike Deane was last seen going 5-26 at Wagner in 2009-10. Eat it.)

USF - StatJunkie has them in SAFER than Lunardi does

2012-03-02T18:44:32Z

ESPN's Joe Lunardi currently has South Florida in the tournament, as one of his Last 4 picks IN. StatJunkie currently has them in more safely, giving them a 98.70% chance of receiving an At Large Bid to the 2012 NCAA Basketball Tournament. We've out picked Lunardi 2 out of the past 3 years, using our statistical model.

Hopefully that puts some of your march madness anxieties at rest. Of course, anything can happen over the course of the week, so check back as our percentages will tend to fluctuate.

Campus Nomads 11: USF Basketball vs. Seton Hall in the Reflecting Pool at MLK Plaza

2012-01-16T04:38:47Z

With the USF Sun Dome undergoing renovation, our intrepid basketball reporter will follow the South Florida basketball team around the USF campus this season, as the team plays its games in different buildings across the campus. Check back after each home game for updates.

Tampa - An energized USF Bulls team used a second half comeback to defeat #24 Seton Hall 56-55 Friday night at the reflecting pool at MLK Plaza.

"We really wanted to honor Martin Luther King this weekend, so what more fitting way to do that than to hold a game at MLK Plaza," said USF athletic director Doug Woolard.

"It's really great playing here and honoring a founding father," said USF forward Victor Rudd.

Seton Hall led by as many as 10 points in the second half, but the more lively Bulls ate away the lead as the Pirates tired down the stretch with 1-6 shooting over the last 6:12.

"I took my guys to Fort DeSoto Beach on Thursday so they could practice walking in shallow water," said USF coach Stan Heath. "You could see it paid off in the second half."

When asked in the post-game press conference if the Pirates used similar training methods, Seton Hall coach Kevin Willard was bemused.

"Have you been to a beach in New Jersey in January? Fahgetaboutit," said Willard. "Even on a good day, the last thing I want to do is take these kids to the Jersey Shore.

"We thought about practicing in kiddie pools but we couldn't find any that could fit more than three basketball players."

Guard Anthony Collins led the Bulls with six assists and 36 minutes played.

"I attribute my conditioning to the intramural water polo I played last year," said Collins. "Since we couldn't dribble, I skipped some passes on the water into the post; their guys hadn't seen anything like it."

Although forward Augustus Gilchrist had a tough game shooting (3-11, including an ill-advised three-pointer), and turned the ball over three times, his seven rebounds were key.

"It was like they were standing in a bucket of water," said Gilchrist.