Big East Extinction Is Forever - Game 18, Cincinnati

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Welcome to another exciting episode of Untamed World! I'm your host, Gary Hoek. Today we focus on the vast diversity of...

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...organisms...

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...that have evolved in our humble conference, before it was destroyed in a fiery cataclysm.


To observe some of this vast variety, we will travel to Southeast Asia, home of many species known as the Bearcat. The bearcat has produced a plethora of exotic mandibles. Each is like variation on a similar theme.

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For instance, we have the elusive binturong. This handsome creature has developed a prehensile tail, which it uses for getting around the forest, and other hard-to-get-at places.

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In a neighboring island, we have the Asian palm civet, whose powerful digestive system allows it to eat coffee beans, and get at the soft, pulpy, nutmeat inside.

We are about to witness a miracle of nature. Every thirty years, this marvelous creature painstakingly drags its ponderous bulk to a secluded spot, where it digs a hole in the sand and begins a beautiful ritual.

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HHHNNNNNNNGNGNNGNGNHGNHGNHGNH

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Then, after the Asian palm civet conceives its payload of feces, the coffee beans are collected from it, and sold to the world as Kopi Luwak, the world's most expensive coffee. And why would anyone drink bearcat shit?

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Nobody knows.

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Here we are, deep in the bowels of a stinking hot cave which has not been penetrated by light in millions of years. What kind of creatures could possibly live in an environment such as this?

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I'm going to be sick! (HWAARRRRFFFF)

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Nevertheless, the African Civet has developed a keen sense of smell, and highly evolved perineal glands, which it uses for communication.

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And I'm going to tag him!

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Yes, because the musk of African civet, extracted from the glands of the unfortunate creature, are used in the finest perfumes.

And thanks to the magic of the slow motion camera, we can show you just how ugly the inside of someone's sweat gland can be!

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HEY! BUDDY! WHERE'S YOUR TAG!

The tranquilizer, man! Use the tranquilizer!

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You there! Bearcat! It's no... use... to... resist... you're....... no......... match........ for us.......... You............ crea............ ture................ you......................
(passes out)

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Finally on our quest, we see the unusual hind-leg running style distinctive to the red panda. It does this in order to attract...

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...an invitation to a better conference!

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Each creature is important in the scheme of the untamed world. And we must preserve this delicate balance. For without creatures such as the bearcat, there would be no USF bloggers!

Say, what's that on your tongue?

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See you next time on Untamed World!

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