Hey Johnny Boy! (slaps on shoulder, fake punches in stomach)
Listen, it's been GREAT having you here. No, seriously, you've been a breath of... um, not exactly sure how to describe it. I mean look at all the great things you did; like getting ESPN to offer $1 billion in TV money! I mean, that's, ya know, like a BILLION dollars! And there's no way you could have known the PAC-12 was going to get three times as much even though half the league plays in towns too small for a Whole Foods... they must be paying some of that in marijuana with all those west coast hippies out there, amirite?? (awkward forced laugh between the Bobs... John notices Tom Jurich staring through the conference room window gazing intently).
Look, John-O, we've got to be honest with you here. Some of the (air quotes) other guys in the league have been a bit of a gossip about you around here. And sometimes they haven't been too subtle. We know it's not all your fault... I mean it's not like these people have been there since the beginning like you have. And we all know how important experience is in a position like yours. Experience is key.
And you, of course knew Dave Gavitt. Therefore you were absolutely qualified to lead this league just on that alone. You also worked at Providence, which was ESSENTIAL in even getting this position in the first place. So few people had those critical, critical elements of experience that were absolutely required to get this job. I mean it was written in the job posting above "college athletics experience" and "bachelors degree" right?
So we can't think of a better time for you to, you know, spread your wings. Get out there and see everything non-New England has to offer! And get away from those scalawags you don't even like in the first place! So this is Roscoe, and he's going to take you over to your desk. Just make sure you get everything you need, and leave your ID card and keys with us right here. We'll take care of the rest, and hey, John... thanks for everything. Really, you won't be forgotten around here for a long, long time.
Important V5 Note: We don't enjoy dancing on graves here, even ones we thought should have been dug a long time ago. By all accounts, Marinatto is a good guy and well-liked by his peers. We wish him success and a soft landing, as he has a lot to offer college athletics in the future. But this was necessary, and probably took too long.
And to Daryl Gross and Steve Pedersen... well
Hoping you'll see... what your love means to me.