Streaking: you're doing it wrong. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEgLhOgPjWk
How USF Opponents Fared, Week 8: Now with streaking tips!
The most interesting story this week was the alleged streaker at the Florida State-Miami game, which I want to discuss in depth, so we'll do that one last. How USF's other opponents fared:
Chattanooga beat Southern Conference rival Samford 20-13. Jacob Huesman's 16-yard touchdown pass to Marquis Green gave the Mocs a 20-3 lead entering the fourth quarter. Chattanooga is 4-3, 3-1 in the SoCon.
San Diego State beat Nevada 39-38 in overtime on a gutsy playcall: in the first overtime, they went for two, despite their starting quarterback being knocked out of the game. This, combined with the Wolfpack's one-point loss to USF, makes the Wolf Pack the unluckiest team in the country. For Mountain West coverage on SBNation, see Mountain West Connection.
Ball State beat Central Michigan 41-30. Jahwan Edwards ran for 128 yards, Barrington Scott ran for 99, and quarterback Keith Wenning was his usual efficient self: 23 of 30 passing, with 3 TD passes and one touchdown run. For MAC coverage on SBNation, see Hustle Belt.
Cincinnati lost to Toledo 29-23. I can't top Spencer Hall's description of this game, which was "You don't just walk into the Glass Bowl without catching a few shards in the eye, Butch Jones." Toledo is a good team (their only loss was to Arizona in overtime) but this loss rightly knocked Cincinnati out of the Top 25.
Pittsburgh beat Buffalo 20-6 in rainy, windy conditions that favored Pittsburgh's ground game. Which is odd, because you'd think a school based in Buffalo would be more accustomed to rain and wind. (Yes, the University at Buffalo has its own SBNation site. And yes, it's called "University at Buffalo", not "of.")
And finally, Florida State overcame a sloppy first half to wear down Miami in a 33-20 win at whatever the Miami Dolphins' stadium is called this week. Devonta Freeman, subbing for an injured Chris Thompson, ran for two late touchdowns.
You may have heard there was a streaker at this game. Having seen the video clip, that's being very generous. This bozo may be the most incompetent streaker in sports history. The remainder of this article is devoted to what he did wrong, and the right way to streak at a sporting event, if you really must do so. If you find the subject distasteful, you can stop reading at this point.
Now, we certainly don't condone this sort of behavior. But it's bound to happen at sporting events, because any gathering of tens of thousands of people is going to include a statistically significant number of weirdos. If you must do something like this, do it the right way:
- Don't disrupt the game. Just don't. It's bad form, you could get seriously hurt, and it risks turning the crowd against you.
- It's all about timing. Think about what you're doing; you're trying to attract the attention of a large crowd that came to watch something else. So make your move during a slow moment, at a non-crucial point in the contest. This alone could dictate whether the crowd sees you as welcome comic relief, or an unwanted distraction.
- Be entertaining. Don't just run out there and "hey, look at me because I'm here to look at!" We have entire TV networks devoted to that sort of behavior. People can watch it at home for free. They don't want to see it in places where they paid good money to watch people with skill for a change. So do something fun. Lie down on the field in the shape of your team's logo. Re-enact a famous moment in your team's history. Dance Gangnam Style. Do something.
- Have a plan. You only have a few seconds before security hog-ties you. So have a strategy to get the most out of your time, and know what you're going to do and when. Especially the most important aspect of streaking:
- Get naked. If you don't at least get your shirt and pants off, you're not a streaker, you're just some douchebag running onto the field.
- Don't advertise anything. Streaking should be a personal statement, not a corporate one. So don't run onto the field with a gambling website marked onto your naked back, as some people have done. It completely undermines the act. It tells the world that you're not someone with a bold statement to make, but that you're an idiot who will prostitute yourself to the unworthiest of causes.
EDITED TO ADD: In the comments, outrunner33 posted a video of a field runner (I won't call him a "streaker" since he didn't follow rule #5) at a Houston Astros game. That reminded me of another thing streakers need to do to be successful:
- Make security look bad. If there's a positive to idiots running on the field, it's that it proves the inadequacy of stadium security. That guy in the FSU-Miami game had an eternity to do whatever he wanted in the middle of the field before security got involved. Terrorism is still out there, not to mention the sort of people who like to do mass public shootings. Security should be empowered to act swiftly and decisively against anyone who runs unto the field of play. (Yes, I know that opens a can of worms about rushing the field after a game; we'll save that debate for the next time USF might actually need to do it.)
So let's analyze what the FSU-Miami streaker got wrong. He ran onto the field during a play, right between the ball-carrier and a defender. He had a good 20 seconds of free rein and barely got his shirt off. He didn't do anything entertaining. This all betrays his lack of a plan. The only thing he got right was #6. (ETA: He did sort of make security look bad, so I'll give him #7.)
And why was the crowd cheering this guy? I lamented how far the Miami-Florida State rivalry game had fallen; I didn't think it had fallen this far. Could you imagine a streaker running between Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin during a live play? They'd have teamed up to punch him in the face and hugged afterwards, while fans of both schools pelted the streaker with empty Zima bottles.