Dana Holgorsen, our fake bankrolls are in your hands. Don't let us down.
DISCLAIMER: These picks are for entertainment purposes only. No actual money is being wagered.
I've seen this movie before.
Last October, that West Virginia at Connecticut game on a Friday night was so tempting. UConn had just been shut out by Louisville, and WVU was obviously the best team in the league. And Randy Edsall had never beaten the Mountaineers. A bunch of us loaded up with the maximum fake bet on West Virginia, and then Bill Stewart did Bill Stewart things and the Huskies stole a win in overtime. We all got Edsall'd.
Fast forward to this year, and as you'll see, none of us have learned anything from our past mistakes. Degenerates of a feather fake bet together.
Let's see the picks. We'll go in the order of the current standings.
Kevin Meacham, The UConn Blog:
How long will it take for me to fall out of first? How does ONE WEEK sound?:
- $150 Cincinnati and Akron OVER 56.5 I don't expect to need the "and Akron" part of this bet, but I'll gladly take it.
- $50 Maryland (-2) over West Virginia. Seeing lots of similarities between Edsall UConn and Post-Edsall UConn makes me think maybe it wasn't his coaching style that made UConn so boring and average. (It was the players Edsall recruited...but he doesn't have to worry about that at UMd yet.)
- $50 PARLAY: Miami (OH) (+4.5) over Minnesota, Texas (-3.5) over UCLA
- $25 Auburn (+3) over Clemson. When it comes to winning close games, this is like picking the Irresistible Force vs. the Extremely Movable Object.
And finally, two crazy money-line bets for the hell of it:
- $10 Temple (+250) over Penn State. #FutureBigEastSolidarity
- $10 Syracuse (+500) over USC, because hey, it's only $10.
WVUIE97, The Smoking Musket:
$100 on WVU money line (+110) over Maryland
$100 parlay on Auburn money line (+135) and Okiahoma State (-13.5) over Tulsa
$50 on Michigan St.(+4.5) over ND
$1 on Iowa (-3) over Pitt
Picks continue on after the jump.
Chris Lane, The Nova Blog:
Don't want to but I have to.
$200 on WV ML (+110) over Maryland
$25 on Houston -7 over LaTech
$25 on LSU/Miss St. UNDER 50
How is ND favored by the way? Pretty sure they haven't shown a hint of an ability to NOT turn it over in the red zone. Michigan State has been romping....
Scott, Bearcats Blog:
100 on WVU money line. I like how we are all gonna go down together with this pick. I remember one last year everyone was in on, and everyone lost.
20 on Auburn +3
20 on Cincinnati -34.5
20 on Louisville +6
15 on Oklahoma St -13.5
10 on Tennessee +9.5
5 on Cincinnati/Akron Over 56.5
5 on Iowa State +4.5
5 on Houston under 70.5
Chas Rich, Pitt Blather:
I have a feeling that the entire group is going to sink or swim with West Virginia this weekend. It galls me to no end, but damn if that isn't an attractive pick.
WVU +2 over Maryland for $100
Texas Tech +21 over New Mexico for $75 -- Is there a line too large not to bet against Mike Locksley? Perhaps, but this one isn't it.
Stanford -10 vs. Arizona for $25
Mengus22, Big East Coast Bias:
Give me four road dogs
West Virginia +2 at Maryland
Auburn +3 at Clemson
Tennessee +9.5 at Florida
Louisville +6 at Kentucky
$50 on each
I'm not feeling any of these lines this week, but I'm bored at work and will throw some nonsense against the wall and hope that it pays me fake money for my fake dreams.
WAGER ONE: West Virginia (+110) at Maryland
Randy Edsall is a son of a bitch. $25 on the money line here.
WAGER TWO: Auburn (+3) at Clemson
Funny piece of factual importance that most people are glossing over: it wasn't a crime to try and kill the trees at Auburn; it was a crime having a name as Great Despression-y as "Harvey" in 2011.
Tigers for $25.
WAGER THREE: $25 Parylay
I'm putting a whole lot of reliance on a school that may or may not exist located in a state that I'll never visit because, hey, Idaho is stupid.
Boise: -20 to cover.
Boise-Toledo: Over 60 (that's going to hurt like uninsured doctors visits following Fleet Week; liked it better earlier in the week at 58.5)
Texas: -3.5 to cover.
Toro Grande, Voodoo Five:
I'm so glad I'm not the only one that saw the WVU line and went "Vegas, now giving money away!" But contesting correctly says I need to root for the Turtles and against all of you, and pick another gift game. Therefore:
- $100 Penn State -7.5 over Temple. Because they're mad as hell and they're not gonna take it anymore. And when JoePa tells those Owls to get the hell off his damn lawn, he means it. Because he really thinks Beaver Stadium is his lawn, and the press box is his front porch.
- $100 Auburn +3 over Clemson. Because Fuck Clemson. And how many times have we seen Clemson just shit the bed in this exact game?
- $50 USF over whatever the hell FAMU is getting. Because the Bulls are going 13-0 ATS this year. Oh wait, there's no line on this game? Fine, gimme Louisville +6 over Kentucky. Because Charlie Strong is going to blitz the normally horrendous Morgan Newton a billion times and officially put Joker on the clock.
Ken DeCelles, Voodoo FIve:
Here we go.
$248 3 Team Parlay - Boise/Toledo OVER 60, WVU on the ML, Houston -7
$1 Wisconsin -17 over NIU
$1 on SCUMBAGS +5 over UCF
Imaginary 5 bucks on the BYE over Rutgers so I can post this GIF finally. PLAY ME OFF CHAS-BOARD CAT.
You got it.
GarySJ, Voodoo Five:
$10 UNLV +20 over Hawaii (Hawaii always underachieves on the mainland)
$20 Penn State-Temple over 45
$25 Cincinnati -34 over Akron
$30 Clemson +3 over Auburn (as part of my Predict Clemson's Mental State experiment. Seems like a perfect time for them to spring an out-of-nowhere upset, and Auburn is just begging to be an upset victim)
$50 Boise State -20 over Toledo
Andrew Porter, The UConn Blog:
So, so, so easy to make this pick:
$248 on West Virginia +2 over Maryland.
$1 on Notre Dame -4.5 over Mich. St.
$1 on Duke +7 over BC
25 on maryland
25 on miss st.
200 on okla st
And finally, my picks:
$240 on West Virginia money line (+110) over Maryland. Edsall had a hard enough time beating Bill Stewart, I can't imagine how he's going to take down Holgorsen.
$5 on FIU +5 over UCF.
And now for the Les Miles Experiment. Looking at the available lines, the most illogical, against-the-grain pick available seems to be to bet that LSU and Mississippi State will be OVER 50 points. So my last $5 goes towards that. ARREST VICTORY
Let us all arrest victory this week, and avoid another Edsalling.