Perhaps Kevin from The UConn Blog has the right idea here as we all try and figure out what's gone wrong during the first two weeks of this contest.
I'm going to take one of my bye weeks this week, mostly because, at the rate we're going I might end up in first by Sunday if I wager $0.
Not a terrible idea. Everyone is allowed two bye weeks, and with a less-than-appealing slate of games, maybe we should all take a breather this week and try and get our bearings. In fact, I'm declaring that this week is...
What's that? Everyone else went ahead and bet anyway?
Well then. Let's get on with it. If you need to catch up on where everyone stood at the end of Week 2, click here to review last week's results.
DISCLAIMER: This contest is for entertainment purposes only. No actual wagers are being made.
Let's start with last week's leader, and the only person currently in the black (although possibly wearing black after Thursday night's debacle in Raleigh), it's Scott from Bearcats Blog. He's already lost two bets, as you'll see:
Cincinnati +2 for 40
6 point tease Cincinnati to +8, Cal to +3, Kansas State to +2 for 35
5 team parlay Stanford -17.5, Florida -14, Fresno State -4, Iowa pick, Notre Dame +3.5 for 10
And I'll go with the crowd and bang UConn -6.5 for 20.
On to the parade of losers after the jump. And unless that five-team parlay comes through (again), Scott's going to be joining the rest of us in this parade next week.
Coming in just a few dollars under the starting point of $1000 is Sean Keeley at Troy Nunes Is an Absolute Magician. Your picks, sir.
In the words of Jake Taylor, "Okay, Rick, let's get nasty."$75 on UConn (-6.5) over Temple
$75 on Oregon State (-19.5) over Louisville
$50 on East Carolina (+19.5) over Virginia Tech
Now on to our own Toro Grande, who was so gung-ho to get his fake action on this week that I had to tell him he was betting too much fake money. This can't end well.
Like our great gambling muse taught us... legitimately Protecting My Unit this week. $50 to win $45.45 on all of them.
Turtles (Maryland) +10 @ Couchburners (West Virginia). How many times have we seen Friedgen save his job in games like this? How many times have we seen Stewart put his in jeopardy by not having his team ready in games like this? How the hell is WVU laying 10 here?
Endzone Celebrators (Georgia) -2.5 vs. Mitch Mustain's True Alma Mater (Arkansas). Georgia isn't a bad football team. Now would be the time to show that if you don't know how to apply for unemployment compensation over the Internet, Mr. Richt.
Vol Navy (Tennessee) +14 vs. Team I Greatly Dislike But Much Less After Last Week Because Everyone Was Far Nicer Than I Expected (Florida). My beloved alma mater isn't that good, and if they don't commit 5 turnovers they actually make something of that game. This is my text message to everyone laying the 14... Time to cry.
SCUMBAGS +28 over Creepy Fan Base (Texas A&M). FIU had 5 turnovers last week while laying 19.5 to Rutgers, yet only lost by 5. They are the Sun Belt's "legitimately feisty" team. Which is like being the best baseball player in Tanzania, but whatever.
Team We Stole Our Hand Sign From (Texas) -3.5 over Team That Fired A Great Pirate (Texas Tech). Is this a joke? Why are the happy people on the Internet giving away money like this? Is this like when I get emails from people in foreign countries telling me to claim my $5 million prize?? Any chance UT doesn't come in prepared died when Crabtree made that catch two years ago.
As we continue down the long list of players in the red, we next get to Chas Rich from Pitt Blather for his picks.
Okay, there are some really sucky games that terrify me this week from a fake gambling perspective.
$25 on UConn -6.5 against Temple. Not many Big East games this week, and this looks the safest of the bunch. Not that this is saying much. I like UConn's D against a more traditional offense, and signs of competence on the UConn offense to continue.
$50 on Boise St. -23.5 over Wyoming. I normally hate touching spreads this high, but after the VT implosion against James Madison expect Boise to do whatever it takes to keep their chances for playing in the BCS or even Championship game alive by simply destroying other teams. Wyoming sucks in the best of times. Boise will go primal on them.
$25 on San Diego St. +13.5 versus Missouri. I almost feel like this is a lock pick. SDSU showed signs of turning around under Brady Hoke in his first year. The points will be there for SDSU. Maybe Mizzou pulls it out, but not by 2 TDs.
Next up is a cranky Glaude, who has some strong words for Mr. Bill Stewart. Take it away, Hoya Suxa.
Do you watch The People's Court? I do, sometimes. It's like a televised hissy fit, with one side saying, "He shoulda done . . ." and the other side going, "Well, fuck you, that's why." That's the joy of small claims court -- dickheadedness.
I kind of want to bring a claim against West Virginia head coach Bill Stewart and go on The People's Court. My claim would be, I suppose, "Ruining my existence." I'm pretty sure that's a solid civil action in all states. I'd get up at the lectern and tell the judge all the reasons why I've been injured:
- He's a 'tardface and wouldn't know where to shit if you sat him on the toilet.
- Seriously, Your Honor, look at him: You couldn't trust this guy to count to four if you started him at three.
- HE COULDN'T SMACK MARSHALL! MARSHALL! YOU KNOW, THE SCHOOL SO BAD THAT EVEN WEST VIRGINIA FANS ARE, LIKE, "MAN, THEM SOME STUPIDS!"
Then I'd collect the $50 he owes me for reliance, buy some strychnine, poison his mountain of hard, old person candy, and take that fuckface out once and for all.
WAGER ONE: Connecticut (-6.5) at Temple
Take a look at Randy Edsall. Doesn't he look like a disinterested manager at Best Buy? Thought so. If he loses to Temple, it's good to know that he has career opportunities.
Huskies cover the 6.5 against the Owls. $25 to the window.
WAGER TWO: Navy (-3.5) v. Louisiana Tech
Opponents that Navy can beat:
- Emperor Hirohito.
- Yaaaaaaaaaaaar! Somali pirate ships!
- Captain Marko Ramius and the Soviet submarine Red October.
Opponents that Navy can't beat:
- Rear Admiral Friedgen.
I'm going to side with over a hundred years of blowing shit clear out of the ocean and take the Midshipmen to cover. $50 to the window.
WAGER THREE: Texas at Texas Tech (O/U 52)
This is stupid. No, this is really stupid. No, seriously, this is incredibly stupid. I've made videos of me vomiting and put them on YouTube and this is infinitely stupider than that.
I'm taking the over. $25 to the window.
Where will your action be this week, WVUIE97 of The Smoking Musket?
In a rush, so I'll keep it simple:
$50 on UConn (-6.5) over Temple
$75 on Nebraska (-3) over Washington
$75 on Iowa (-1.5) over Arizona
Nice and simple, just the way I like it when I'm scrambling to put this together right before kickoff on Saturday. Kevin's taking his aforementioned bye, so next we go to Chris Lane at The Nova Blog.
UCONN - 6.5 at Temple ($100)
Shout out to Porter -- if your boys let me down I'm launching a spam campaign on The UConn Blog. Zach Frazer scares the bejesus out of me. We've seen him win at Notre Dame, and we've seen him lay a bigger turd than Tony Romo in the playoffs. I have no clue what he's going to do, but at least they've got Jordan Todman. And just so everyone knows, this is a complete spite pick as well for Temple beating 'Nova a few weeks ago.
USC -12 at Minnesota ($75)
Why do I do this to myself? I hate Lane Kiffin, I hate USC. I do not like Will Ferrell. But I do like Snoop Dogg. Yep, that's it. This is a Snoop Dogg bet. Westside!
Notre Dame money line (+140) at Michigan State ($50)
Big rivalry, games are always close, and teams do not like each other one bit. State has a few key injuries and not much overall to begin with. Kind of surprised they are favored here. Let's just hope Dayne Crist doesn't fully turn into Helen Keller this week.
3-Team Parlay ($25) -- Oregon State -19.5 at Louisville, LSU -8 vs. Mississippi State, Notre Dame +3.5 at Michigan State
My shot in the dark of the week, although I REALLY like all those lines, so why not? The brothers Rodgers may outscore The Ville alone. LSU worries me a bit but their D should be able to slow down Miss State. I'm already on ND, so going against the rules of gambling, I'm going to double-down.
Not only am I excited to see people breaking every unwritten rule of gambling, and to see them keep betting the weekly maximum even as they sink further into fake debt, but there's your first Helen Keller joke of the year.
Getting in just before the buzzer is Casual Hoya.
Casual Hoya's unit is fully exposed this week... total action, $250.
North Carolina (+2) over Georgia Tech, $100
Navy (-3.5) over Louisiana Tech, $50
Alabama/Duke UNDER 58, $50
Texas (-3.5) over Texas Tech, $40
UConn (-6.5) over Temple, $10
On to Andrew from The UConn Blog, who has decided to make a stand with... um... his own team. This could backfire deliciously.
So far in this thing I've only been trusting my gut, which has turned out exceedingly poorly. With that said, a little pep talk from Meacham and the fact that I feel incredibly uneasy about the game have convinced me to go big or go home.
$200 on UConn -6.5
$25 on the Ohio-Ohio St. game to go over 45.5
$25 on NC State -2
Now for the last two of us, both from this blog. First, here are Ken's picks, and as you'll see he's done the dumbest thing of all -- bet against the SB Nation curse.
Cal/Nevada OVER 66 for $50. This one should light up the scoreboard.
Cincinnati money line (+110) for $50. I have one rule about betting, when there is a new Big East blog on SBN, I must vote for them. I hope Down the Drive doesn't let me down.
Alabama/Duke OVER 58 for $50. Alabama might get this one by themselves.
Boise State (-23.5) over Wyoming for $50. Boise is angry after VT's loss to James Madison. I feel bad for the Cowboys.
My 9 team parlay for $24: California/Nevada over 66, Cincinnati +2, Alabama/Duke over 58, Boise State -23.5, UCF -8.5, Nebraska -3, WVU -10, California -3, Utah -22.5. Yes, I have two lines over 20 in this. I never said I was a good gambler.
Hawaii +12.5 over Colorado for $1. Cue up Sad Hawkins.
That fired me up. I had the sad piano music playing in the background as I thought about taking a bye week to regroup after losing nearly 200 fake dollars last week. But I'm now even more convinced* that my picks will rocket me out of last place and get me right back in contention.
* - may not actually be convinced.
- Two-team tease for $50... West Virginia down to -4 over Maryland and Florida State down to -4 over BYU. Definition of insanity on several levels but I like these two picks.
Time for a Texas three-step, if you will... all $55 to win $50:
- TCU -21.5 over Baylor
- Texas -3.5 over Texas Tech
- Houston -3 over UCLA. I don't care if Case or Cotton or Skeeter or Clyde or Hopper or Dusty or Cooter is playing quarterback for the Cougars. UCLA is awful.
Check back on Monday to see if I've begun fake pawning my possessions yet...