We know this is going to be a long, painful, really sucky Big East season for USF basketball (again). So we thought, we need to find a theme that is also long, painful, and really sucky. Particularly that last one. It had to be so incredibly sucky that it might transcend itself and make the rest of this season a little bit funny.
In the end, there was only one choice.
USF Basketball Queefcore 2011 begins NOW.
Here's a quick synopsis of queefcore if you don't know what we're talking about. Excerpted below:
1. Queefcore is the genre of guitar-driven rock emerging from Sun Belt suburbs and exurbs in the early to mid-1990s.
2. Queefcore's musical hallmarks are simple: riff-free guitar strumming, baritone mock Vedder vocals sung with a glee club blues accent, and everything else as accessory. Piano and organ will be added for "soul." Keyboard washes will be added for "your mom." Drums play in 4/4 time with little flourish.
4. Queefcore is about bros feeling emotions: big, obvious, clearly stated emotions. Life is beautiful but hard, man, and sometimes you just gotta let it out. If you’re scared, the song starts out "I’m a little bit scared." If you want the world to stop hassling you, the chorus of the song says this explicitly. If love lies bleeding in your hands, it may be literally bleeding in your hands.
Queefcore was, unfortunately, very popular when I started at USF in the late 90s. (Incidentally, this was also around the last time we had a consistently average basketball team.) By the time Toro enrolled the genre was still hanging in there, but it had started its long, long, slow, long, shitty decline. Ken is lucky that he is too young to have suffered through the height of queefcore during his time on campus. Although compared to the total garbage they play on the radio now, queefcore might be almost good. (Which one would you pick, Hoobastank or Justin Bieber? That's what I thought.)
And what better song to lead off USF Basketball Queefcore 2011 than "Push" by the ultimate queefcore band, Matchbox 20. Or Twenty, depending on how pretentious you feel like being. Teams wanna push us around, and they will, and they will.
JUST LOOK HOW AWESOME AND DEEP AND MEANINGFUL THIS IS. THE GIRLS ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY CRAZY FOR ROB THOMAS. IT IS CLEARLY THE GREATEST SONG EVER WRITTEN.